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The Stupid Thing I Did Today

2005.04.29
Eggs and microwaves do not mix. Doesn't matter if you poke a hole in the shell, crack it onto a plate or submerge it in water. Unless you scramble it, the egg will explode all over the microwave. Not a pretty mess to clean up. But it does make a really neat noise when it pops.
2005.02.17
Mistake #1: rubbing jalapenos on my nipples and earlobes in an attempt to disuade my orphaned kitten from suckling.
Mistake #2: applying mentholated lotion to said areas in lieu of a good washing with soap and water.
Mistake #3: mentioning that it ever happened.
2005.01.17
Oi. So you know how in the movies you see the suave guy say to the sexy young vixen "And this must be your sister," when the woman in question is quite obviously her mother, aging badly. Well, it may look corny on the movie screen, but it's sound advice. Swing dancing on Friday my conversation went kind of like this:

me> So, is that your daughter you brought with you?
her> My daught--? No, that's my sister; I'm 19.
me> ... And I was just complaining how my brother was mistaken for my son!

There's really no recovering from that one, is there?
2004.07.22, 12:17
Remind me to stop experimenting with food. Nine hours ago I had the strongest cup of coffee of my life. I brewed it from 'green' (unroasted) coffee beans, and it was practically flavorless. Drank a whole soup mug of it and considered it a failure... until twenty minutes later when it kicked me in the teeth and kept on kicking and kicking and kicking. Tonight my insomnia can be blamed on nothing and nobody but me. There's kind of a buzz about my head, not entirely pleasant. When I close my eyes, it feels like I'm falling.

Oh, and BTW, it's impossible to hydrate green coffee beans, even in a pressure cooker. I was the idea of a "pick-me-up burrito" was a funny... until now. Oh, sure, I'm awake, but I wouldn't want to be at work like this. Besides, being the pit of a berry (not a legume), green cofffee 'beans' taste a lot like cork. No amount of cheese and salsa will make that taste good.



 

 

 

 

These pages, tho lacking coherance, structure & spellcheck -- being the ramblings of the deranged --
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Copyright © 1998-2007, Simmon Keith Barney, All Right Reserved.
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Kopirajto © 1998-2007, Simmon Keith Barney, Cxiuj Rajtoj Rezervitaj.